A THOUGHT

Technorati ProfileI am of good cheer this morning. My daughter and her family are going to come for Thanksgiving after all. It turned my world right-side up so quickly. In talking to her I mentioned that I had finished a book by Joyce Carol Oates and we were discussing her characters. My daughter said, "I keep thinking how messed up they are and how they wouldn't have these problems if they would just go to therapy!" Of course, if they had gone to therapy, there would be no story for the book, either.

It made me stop and think though of how much difference my therapist makes in my life. I remember the therapists I had before her, and only one other came close. She helps me keep my playing field level and aware of where I am. If I go for more than two weeks without seeing her, I am in trouble. I have accepted this is something I need. Especially since I don't get out much...it is like having a close friend to talk to.

BEING BIPOLAR

This is one of those days when I am mad about being bipolar. I'm mad that I don't drive because I'm bipolar...it's not worth the fight I would have to have with my brother and kids for the small amount of driving I woud do ... but I hate the lack of independence it creates. Granted I can call Karen and pay her to drive me; but that gets expensive after awhile. So I was counting on a friend (older friend) who I don't like to ask to take me too many places because she gets tired and I feel like I'm imposing, etc....so I start feeling like a burden and my morale goes to hell. and my mood goes below the "NORMAL" line and we start a little depression going. I used to get mad at things like that but it doesn't do any good to get mad because I'm not going to do anything about it.....I couldn't afford a car even if I argued with everybody about driving and there's no way my brother is going to let me drive any of his vehicles...so we're right back to square one. I guess I just needed to blow off some steam. I'll get up tomorrow and won't need to go anywhere and life wiill probably look fine after I take my morning cocktail of meds. The good news is I'm still losing weight.

FORTY-FIVE YEARS AGO

You may think that a funny title...It smacks me in the face as I still feel like 30, look like 50, but actually will be 61 in less than a month. But to think that it has been 45 years since I was 15 seems like faulty math! At any rate, I received an e-mail from a fellow whom I knew not only in my Freshman year of high school, I actually went to grade school with him. We lived in Denver, Colorado at the time, approx. 1000 miles from Houston. We exchanged several emails and I learned that, like me, he had a career in the oil and gas industry, was retired, single, and living in the Houston area!

Last Sunday he called and we talked for about an hour. He was very easy to talk to as we caught up on the past 45 years. He has a ranch near Austin. is into woodworking and did most of the building of his ranch house. He spends 4-5 days a week at the ranch. It is located central to his three sons who are very important in his life, along with his grandchildren. I have written another email which he said he was looking forward to receiving when he got home from the ranch. I don't know if anything will come of this, but I hope he calls again.

THE WALK

This seasonal thing has had me in a strange mood for a couple of weeks...it's affected my ability to think clearly and my general enthusiasm for anything. I'm glad to say that I noticed a difference come Monday of this week. I woke up early --wide awake and raring to go. Now that was a real change of pace, let me tell you.

I got up and ate my breakfast, took my pills, made my bed and called my girls -- two large dogs: a red chow/retriever mix and a red Doberman, Hattie and Rhiannon. I've always walked my dogs separately;however, I decided to try something new. I had a new item called a "Halti". It is a kind of "collar" that goes on the head and nose of a dog and fastens to the leash. It is designed, supposedly, to keep the dog from pulling. Rhiannon is notorious for pulling on the leash. So, I put the Halti on her. Got both dogs hooked up together on one leash and we were off for a walk. It was just 7:45 in the a.m. Lately at 7:45 I've been staring into a cup of coffee wishing I were back in bed and wondering what could be my purpose in this world... This was a nice change!

Where we live it is called "The Livable Forest". The community was built in a forested area where they cut only the trees necessary to clear the site where a house or a small shopping strip was to be built. All other trees were left; thus, it is a community with many old and tall trees which, by the way, cannot be cut unless they are dying or diseased. Behind the houses and through some empty grassy areas, there are walking paths which wander through the neighborhoods. It is truly like a walk in the forest. I felt happy walking through the fallen leaves and looking at their changing colors and remembered Fall in Michigan when I was young. There I remember some of the leaves turned vibrant oranges and reds. I thought maybe the change of seasons is not a reason to be so sad. Maybe I need to go outside and look at the leaves, feel the crisp air, and appreciate the season for what it has. I probably need to talk to myself in a positive way about it is Fall and time to get ready for the holidays. Start working on Christmas projects. And Get Outside. (See I stay in the house way too much).

We followed the path through the leaves until we came to a bridge and opted to make a turn. By then the girls were walking at an even pace. For the first time of walking them together, they did suprisingly well. I don't let my dogs have a loose leash but make them heel. Walking two large dogs side-by-side at your left heel can be a challenge but they did beautifully after the first few minutes. There was one hairy instance when a squirrel darted across the path and Rhiannon lunged to go after it. I gave a firm "No" and yanked hard on the leash and she stopped...Thank God...because she is very strong and quite capable of attempting to drag me along with her -- especially should Hattie decide to join in for the chase! But she minded in exemplary fashion. When they started to look like they were tiring, I headed us for home. We had been gone about 45 minutes. Not bad for a first time and 10 year old dogs. The Halti has turned out to be a good device. Now that I can walk them together, I will probably work it into my schedule either daily or every other day.