OMEGA 3

OMEGA]The Baylor College of Medicine, Mood Disorders Center is performing a new study. This study is designed to test "the prophylactic efficacy of omega-3 fatty acids in patients with unstable bipolar disorder." This is yet another of many tests which have been run studying the effect of substantial Omega3 supplements for bipolar patients. I read a number of them, and after satisfying myself that perhaps where there was smoke there might be at least heat, I researched supplements on the internet until I found one with a good ratio of EPA to DHA that was manufactured from pure concentrations ofcold water fish high in EPA under NNFA Good Manufacturing Practices by a reputable company.

At the time, I had been in a severe depressive cycle for approximately seven months despite all changes to medication. I was taking enough antidepressant to make most bipolars swing from a chandelier -- myself in particular --. (Specifically, I was taking Effexor 225mg, Wellbutrin 150mg, Topamax 200mg. Geodon 80mg, Concerta 110mg; thyroxin 88mg one day and 100mg the other, alternating days, Premarin .625) It had been starting to lift due to some changes being made with the thyroid hormone. However, in approximately six days I started to feel a little better and this improved gradually until I worked myself completely to a level and stable mood. I am a rapid cycler, and it was very unusual for me to have been in a depressed state for seven months. I believe finding that my thyroid was deficient would explain the longlasting depression. Once the levels reached a midnormal level, I felt fine and started to forget the Omega 3 in the morning. It was easy to forget because I wasn't thinking of "maybe this will help". Taking it was like taking a vitamin. It was in a separate bottle; it was not in my pill box with my other medications because the pills are so large. Having stabilized I started feeling TOO good and began rapid cycling...that went on for five weeks. I began backing off the Effexor but not fast enough, I became manic. I was completely off the Effexor by then. After five days of the mania, I began taking Abilify an antipsychotic which manages dopamine. The mania came under control and I am once again in a level stable state. I began taking the Omega 3 two weeks ago. I am wondering if it can replace some of the large amount of medicine that I take. If so, it would be nice. But my thought goes further than that. It appears that Omega 3 is also beneficial to cardiovascular health and joint & immune support.

A couple Yale doctors got together and started a company called Cenestra Health. Their site has one of the best summaries of current research on Omega 3 benefits that I found. You can find the research portion at http://www.omax3.com/research.html.

I am just passing this on to any of you out there who may find this of interest.

OLD FRIENDS = over 14 years

I ENVY PEOPLE WHO HAVE OLD FRIENDS. Seems like everyone has a ton of old friends that they went to school with or they've lived in the neighborhood with forever. I never lived anywhere long enough as a "child" to establish any longstanding friendships. And the few I made in the last year of high school were lost when we graduated. I wasn't a neighborhood or schoolroom mom. Then there is the fact that I make friends with men better than with women and that just doesn't always look politically or socially correct depending on where you were at the time. Although I'm glad to see that is changing. In my job, I was transferred four times which meant a change of neighborhoods, new offices, new people everywhere.. I had the same friends at work But when I retired in 1995, I pretty much left those friends at the office. They were still working. I was disabled and we had nothing in common anymore. And the friends you make at work in a major corporation tend to get transferred anyway. Soon that good friend of yours here in Houston is now living in London.

I don't know if it's a bipolar trait to mislay friends but it seems like I have trouble holding on to friends once I make them. Bipolar people tend to change jobs, move, generally not be in the same place where it is difficult to be around the same friends plus at least for me I am always involved in this and that and the other activity making it rough to find time for the friendship. I would be interested to know if this is true for most bipolar people. Once the moving starts, then keeping up communication becomes even harder. Although nowadays with email, it might be easier. During my llifetime, sans computers, you were pretty much stuck with letters and phone service and if it was long distance, that leaves letters.

Don't misunderstand. I have some friends and always have had and been a friend. It's not as serious as I had let on a minute ago. I just don't have old friends. Well not til I came to Texas. Here I have some old friends. I've been here for 14 years and I have friends I've known that long and that's an old friend. Maybe it's just that folks are friendlier in Texas.

But I lied a little, I do have a couple of old friends I've known for 24 years...now those are some old friends from work,, and you know what, they're Texans. And one other thing: highschool! The Valedictorian that took me to the Senior Prom, good lookin too, well he's my oldest friend.

STRAINS ON STABILLITY JUNE & JULY 2006

Since the beginning of June my stability has been extremely challenged for reasons other than the normal cycling of bipolar rhythms. My stepdaughter, who has not kept a close relationship with the family, contacted me first in May with some health problems related to cervical and then uterine and ovarian cancer. She made it through all those things and we all relaxed and I thanked God for watching over her once again as He has in the past. She has not always made the best decisions and the first years of independence (19-34) were pretty iffy. The call came in the first of June about an aneurysm in the brain; the Mayo Clinic was involved; the testing went on for a couple of weeks of worry - could it be surgically corrected - to the final very sad prognosis. That also dredged up a lot of memories from my marriage to their father -- issues I haven't dealt with - things I found out about how he treated the kids when I wasn't around - and I've "stuffed" all that for some other convenient time for E>B. and I to deal with when I have a strong stomach, semi-stability and nothing else going on. I have started several blogs during the past few months, forgotten my password or user name and then started another just because I needed to vent. Common sense would dictate I should have put it on the word processor. As I stumble on these I will occasionally copy one onto this permanent blog.which I have ensured I cannot lose.... My former blog I disabled by eliminating my email address. It is Micello's Musings. I'm trying to find an easy way for this to be found but no such luck so far. But you can see as I digress, the state of my mind. The point of the blog was to
convey why my moods have been so far off. First seven or eight weeks of rapid cycling which we finally got under control with Clonazepam but it then went on into full blown mania.
My pdoc was out of the country. Right at the point that it was looking pretty bleak, I remembered that the last time it was this bad he put me on Abilify. Fortunately, I had some and started taking it. The mania is almost completely gone. I am really very proud to say that I was able to make use of my mood chart to great advantage and I have gone out and bought some things which I plan to start using to see if I can control my behavior a little better. Scheduling, money management, etc.... I am talking to my daughter every 10 days or so. Put together some pictures of her children when they were young...the two who grew up in my home for a period of time...I am making her a scrapbook like I did for the other kids last year. Hers will differ a little in thta it will contain pictures of what has gone on in the family during the time that she has been "away". Time for me to go to bed...... Maybe this explains the amount of anxiety that accompanied the unusual rapid cycling phase and the resultant behavior that transpired.......

jUNE 16

JUNE 16 ENTRY FROM ANOTHER PAGE; Rapid Cycling Still
And I feel like there's a motor spinning in my stomach - a rotor constantly turning, churning...and there's the tremor in my hands...I can't disguise this damn taking over of my mind and physical body when the stressors are so intense. Hilde says she beliieves that the feelings we have are more intense - a hyper sensitivity. I believe she may be right. At least the wondering what the prognosis for my daughter is decided. we know the aneurysm is large, inoperable. There are three blood clots at the base of the brain...and it will eventually kill her. It is but a matter of time. When it bleeds out or bursts - could be a stroke doing degrees oF damage or could be fatal, most likely the latter. We will have to be optimistic and appreciate the time that she has. It could be two days, 2 months, 2 years. What a rotten deal. Yesterday was her 40th birthday.
posted by Miki at 12:41 AM 0 comments

PLANTING, & KEEPING THINGS STEADY

Well I've been alone since Thursday and so far so good. No cravings to start my own business or do any other massive damage on the internet. Haven't broadcast half my lpersonal life on one of the "Search for your Soulmate" sites... I havecleaned up and planted the corner at the front of the house also covered the tree roots with some new soil... Put in some foilage over left of the front p orch tsteps where is was looking a little barren. I'm happy to note that my concern about whether or not these areas got water from the sprinkler system has been answered. I went out to check and see if my efficient brother had it turned on. I figured...middle of hottest part of year...surely it's on...Bill is the one who checks up on me, right?. NO. NO SPRINKLER SYSTEM ON. (Wait til he checks on me next time HA!) First the big mister, now the sprinkler.

Anyway, I turned it on and...whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I don't know once again.......................................... but at a quarter to three in the morning, the sprinkler system woke me up going full force. So, I know it is working. Last year at this time, I was not sleeping in this room and would not have heard the sprinklers. But, for the love of God, certainly 5:00 a.m. is a more reasonable hour...I can tell you it's going to be when I go out and reset them tomorrow morning. I forgot to do it today in the midst of the planting. Also did two loads of laundry; worked on the embroidery for the Aug. 12 wedding; talked to three of my children, swam my 10 laps this morning and conversed with my girls.
If I haven't mentioned the girls, they are one Golden Chow Retriever, sweet disposition named Hattie and one red Doberman, named Rhiannon (like the song) usually of sweet disposition except when being obstinate ( about sneaking off and getting on my bed) or slightly crabby on occasion Mostly she just likes to talk a bad game. and that's at night when they are lying down supposedly going to sleep. And she will start carrying on growling.and sort of crying. until Hattie will move way over to the other side of the room. Then Hattie gets up and comes back over by my side of the bed and she starts in again. I'm glad when Bill comes home...they sleep in his room and there's no vying for territory. Ain't it great to be loved?

Well it's my bedtime and so far the Abilify seems to be helping still. Forgot to call the doc today. Must remember to do that tomorrow.

m

SATURDAY

Spent the AM at Sherwin Williams (Paint Co) selecting the wallpaper and paint for my bedroom which I am having done next month. I had moved out of the bedroom that was "mine" into the one that was "mom's" about six months ago - Required little moving of furniture as I have my things in both rooms. After all, you're not married for over 30 years and raise five children and able to contain everything in one room! The other room is now a guest bedroom but full of my things as far as bookcases, dresser tops, pictures, etc. But you would have to see the wallpaper in this room to appreciate why I am redoing it...on one short wall, wallpaper with calla lillies...a flower which I have never liked. All of this in a pinkish lavender. I've an offwhite spread on the bed right now. There's not much else to do.

I picked some "faux paper which has a basically beige background with a number of other shades in it. Just to add color but no pattern - texture. It's going on the long wall... The other walls will be painted a light ecru color that matches the paper. There's an art deco type border for the top of the walls around the room. Then I;m bringing in my Mick Reber prints; my mask collection; my sculptures; moving the antique oak secretary back in my room for an eclectic room that reflects the person who lives here. Then I'll decide what is going to be bought for the bed. I'm leaning toward a gold lame or bronze satin comforter and shams.

Well at least that kept me off the chandelier today and out of trouble.. After that Ruth and I went to late lunch and I worked on the cash book whichh is going to keep me aware of where my money goes. Finally sat down here for a bit. I'm battliing the mania and the psychotic nuances that accompany it. It seems to be staying in the background. I''m worried for a friend out there. Here's pulling for you too.

My thought of the day: we are so blessed with this disease to have been born very attractive, sexy, intelligent, capable, a recipe for success in every way. We even have a special gift: an enhanced level of sensitivity. We feel things much more intensely than other people...goes hand and hand with creativity. But you know it's no good...it's fucked up...it isn't going to work right
and you're at the mercy of some pdoc and modern pharmacopia to fix it.....

Wonder what the odds are today? factor in the stress... your general health...etc etc etc.
Maybe it's time for mourning that persoon we lost cuz she doesn't seem to be coming back.
and this roller coaster ride doesn't seem to ever end.

EUGENE - MY FATHER

I can see all this in his eyes, those boundless deep brown eyes. It's like gazing in a pool to meet his glance. His age, beginning to show, his eyes have never changed. They still SPEAK !! Sometimes it is difficult to explain to others the relationship which we have. We are close although we have always been apart and he has not handled his responsibility to me. No attempt to insure I know who my father is and that part of me therefore. His theory that Mom saw I had a (step)father and he didn't want to mess it up is so much bull shit and I have told him so. There is room in people's lives for a mom and a dad's second families.. I believe this....At 55 I came to my peace with him and he knows what I think. But he had to hear the truth from me. This was the only lady the man could not charm with his persuasion.

But we understand each other and why it happened as it did. We are both bipolar. We can feel it in each other: the exuberance, the love of life and people, thought, human possibility, the music and family. But we also know the music of the night, the melancholy.

ARE YOU TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR TREATMENT?

I am going through a rapid cycling episode for six weeks now or even longer. I have lost count.
The week before last culminated in fullblown mania. I'm now sure how I managed to keep myself under control as much as I did. The situation was bad. Brother out of the country. Daughters out of communication on vacation. Close friend away at famil funeral. I did a little financial damage. I've cleaned it up. Tried to get myself involved in a business from home; buy a car; applied for various credit cards and loans and almost completed enrollment in a Masters Program. I was to say the least, very busy. I couldn't reach my pdoc. The office is all out of the office until this coming Monday. The answering service said they would have someone call me, but no such phone call came. I did, however, have a moment of sanity when it occurred to me...could have been one of the voices I heard in fact...that the last time this happened, my pdoc put me on Abilify. Did I have any? When the depression set in last winter, we discontinued it...I checked my medicine supply cabinet. Hallelujah!!!!! I had enough to take until the pdoc returned.

Now I can hear you saying --No, no no....don't prescribe for yourself...get thee to a doctor. Well, my faith in most pdoc is very thin. I've seen quite a few of them since 1993. The one I see now is the FIRST.....I repeat, FIRST, pdoc to keep me out of the hospital...for five years. And he has a philosophy of treatment that goes: educate the patient to understand how bipolar works; how the drugs work; what is happening. so the patient has an active role in his treatment...."because I may not always be here".

I'm not going to some other doctor who doesn't know my history, what meds I've taken, how I've reacted to them, what has worked, what has been bad, etc. and let him toss a coin in the air. I already have more information than he does. And I'm bettin' my pdoc isn't going to be too upset with my choice of action. Especially since it seems to be working.

I need to thank a couple of friends out there for their kind words and warnings. I never felt so alone as I did two weeks ago.

The Weekend

We've had a great weekend I'll have to say. I was glad to see Bill get home Friday night I was actually tired of being here alone. I think maybe I'm going to do something about saving some money and getting a car whether I have to have a disagreement on the subject or not. I am tired of being stuck here. We went out to dinner on Friday night to an old favorite Mexican restaurant of mine. I haddn't been there for about 8 years...glad to say the food was still good. Went home and I worked on the embroidery for the wedding for Ryan and Melissa.

Saturday just mostly messed around. I swam in the morning for a morning. Did some laundry. Straightened the house. Wrked on the stairs of the swiming pool. Ruth and I went to Hobb y Lobby and bought some things and I came ome and wroked some more on the things for Addison. It is alsmost done......... Worked on embroidery in night. No more good sleep in night aagainst.

Sinday went to get teo new cceiling lamps and pue one in the living room and one in Bill's bedroom. Tjeu ;ppl [rettu moce/ Tjeu jave ;ogjts amd ise re,pte cpmtrp;ss/

WEDNESDAY 0712

So here we go on another manic day. In looking at the chart, with the exception of part of yesterday, we have been going two weeks of manic at the high extreme. I think I probably need to call Sunkureddi and talk with him. I know one time we added an antipsychotic Abiify. I am not quite out of control but it is close. I am talking to people on the internet about home businesses to see what they are doing to make money. I know I can't do this but I am asking questions. I am talking to people on the internet about a specific course at an online school in which I am interested which would give me an MBA...now this I can't afford and this is crazy. I am putting him off.. I also did a bunch of free surveys which were to pay $10-$14 but then they all charged $1 ro #3 to send samples of things to the house. I think that I was really in trouble over the weeekend. I sometimes think it isn't good for me to be here alone on the computer. But that is the way it goes.

I went to the store and bought some dog food and then out to eat Mexican food for dinner with Ruth. She has returned from Seattle. She went right on home to bed thught so I;m here alone again.... I'm trying to stay off the interrnet except for on the blogger.

Guess I'll go and make up the sheet of the check book register so Bill can see why I run out of money is I keep having to spend it on the store, the cleaning lade, cleaning, etc.. If that didn't happen I'd keep my book in ba;amce pret ty much.

Think the embroidery for Ryan and Melissa is going to be very pretty. I've figured out the whole color scheme now.. Shouldn't take too long... Also I was good -- swam in the pool for about an hour ttthis morning.

I think I will serioudly consider the reality of sving up for acar. I hate being dependent. I might
feel better if I weren't. Why can't Bill understand thatttt.

July 10

I have nothing to say tonite because I have seen no one today except my dogs..Greaaaat company though they are, it gets lonely sometimes when I am my own best audience.....
I have attempted to work on the disaster I have created out of my check book...and decided there is really little cause for it to be that way except that I don't much care/

I talked to several people about jobs at homeee which I have no intention of following up on I'm sure.....

I've come to one conclusionk though, I am tired of being stuck to the house and I think it is time for a plan to save some money and purchase a carrrr because if I remain in this state of nonn independence which I have never beenn, I may just go and lost my mind.... So I think that's a positiveee....... I'm off to embroider for awhile....and then to bed. Micheleeeeeeeee. .

Tuesday 704

A couple of neat facts for you tonight.

1. Why is it we are different... I've given a lot of thought about this and it isn't that we're sick.....we're different. We didn't get less of something....... we got more. That's the good news
We got the Fire Inside.... Everybody didn't get it.
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2.
Did you know that if laboratory animals are fed a diet ow in Omega 3 fatty acids, they will become depressed? It's true. and if you they cut back on the linoleic acids it gets worse.

Did you know that one of the natural things for people with bipolar disorder to become naturally balanced is to take the right does of Omega 3 fatty acids which affect our neurotransmitters and also to add to that with some Linoleic acid (Flax oil 1 teaspoon).

Pretty fuckin interesting isn't it. It's amazing when you find out about something and then you find the supplements and the right amounts and then just for the hell of it you go looking for some research subjects on the internet what youcan find if you happen to be intelligent to understand what you're doing.

SO THE POINT IS:::::: Country Live Brand Omega 3 Mood I only take 1 a day and
Organic Flax Oil (liquid) Take 1 t a day (no taste)

After six months of depression that my highly respected ( by me) psychiatrist couldn't seem to do anything much to improve.......I FEEL HUMAN AGAIN.


PEACE TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE THE FIRE INSIDE. BIPOLAR CAN BE A PAIN IN THE ASS BUT WE GOT THE EXTRA SENSITIVITY, THE EXTRA SMARTS, AND THE FIRE.
DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT? , WHO DO YOU THINK WROTE ALL THE BOOKS, POETRY, MUSIC, PAINTED ANS SCULPTED THAT CLASSICAL ART? US BIPOLAR GUYS.

I JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN; BILL IS LEAVING TOMORROW FOR SCOTLAND;
MONICA IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY;
STEFANIE IS IN FLORIDA
RUTH IS IN OREGON

I AM GOING TO BE HERE ALL ALONE


YAY YAY YAY YAY
I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT TO FOR AS
LOONG AS I WANT

I HAVE MY CERAMICS AND PAINTS OUT
I HAVE SOME STRING, GLUE, FABRIC
AND I HAVE STUFF TO MAKE A JAPANESE, BLACK AND MULTICOLORED QUILT.


NIGHT ALL