IN PERSPECTIVE

What a day yesterday was. My morning walk was not uneventful. I got up early, showered, put on my makeup etc. got on my walking clothes and slipped out the front door to do my two miles. Made it a mile down the hill and along the street when it started to sprinkle. I turned around and headed for a tree as God announced "Let the deluge begin!" After it had slowed to a light shower, I started up the hill and looked up to see a smiling son-in-law in a Prius == in his stocking feet no less -- who had rapidly departed on a mission to rescue me from the storm. The storm continued to build insofar as wind is concerned taking down a set of wind chimes and threatening to carry off the mini dachshund who was not happy about taking any trips out doors. We therefore spent the day inside visiting, playing the WII, watching a movie and cooking and eating. I started rounding up my things as I flew home today...a 12:50 flight arriving in Houston around 6:15. I enjoy spending time with my daughter and her family very much. I wish that we lived closer. I don't know my grandchildren the way that I always had planned. I had a great visit and remained completely stable while I was there. Sometimes the change in time zones plays havoc with my sleep and then my moods but it was fine this time. Dropping the extra Wellbutrin seems to have made the difference in the sleep problems.

My girls were glad to see me. I was glad to see them...Somehow they are more like real dogs to me...I've always had big dogs. They seem more like people to me. My companions. We'll walk in the morning. Brother cowboy won't be home from the ranch until tomorrow. I've missed him too. We had Christmas together the night before I left and he made me a card and put pictures of this beautiful bedroom furniture suite in the card telling me that it was my Christmas present. I almost fell off the chair. But more importantly, he said some things about how hard I had worked to stabilize myself and how much he cared and got me all teary eyed. It was that part of the present that meant the most...knowing that he realizes that it's now always easy to stay focused and not give in to the mood swings...to be actively aware of "where I am" all the time so I can catch it before it gets away from me. Sometimes I tire of the effort. I'd give anything to be who I used to be - the woman who could do it all---with no side effects. But then that's what I want. Listening to my brother's message put things in perspective: we affect other people's lives.

SUNNY SAN DIEGO - FAMILY TIME

I'm having a very good time here. Enjoying the visit. My daughter and son=in-law are very relaxed and low key. They are, however, also educated, informed and therefore interesting company. We get up, have coffee, breakfast, watch a movie and then the four of us play a few games on the WII system which Santa brought for Christmas. If you haven't heard of this, it's an interactive gaming system where you play, for instance, bowling and actually get up and go through the movements of throwing the ball and it appears on the screen of the TV. It is unbelievable technology. I cana tell you that my bwling on the WII system far surpasses my physical abilities in any bowling alley in America! We went out to exchange a couple oof presents and I bought a new purse. Took my grand daughter over to her boyfriend's house...took a mile walk this morning. And we ate...a number of times.

We've had a number of political discussions which I have enjoyed. Warched a copy of the movie An Inconvenient Truth. It is amazing and will make you think. For those of you unfamiliar with the book and movie, it is about the problems the earth and its population face in the not to distant future from global warming...(in our grand children's lifetimes - worst case scenario). It's well done, not boring and should be required watching. Thought provoking. My thought? If more people watched it perhaps more solutions might be thought of.

We've had discussions of various things, sex, drugs, violence, movies and their impace on children and society. with the children joining in. It's been so enjoyable. Reminds me of when my five were young...no subject was offlimits for discussion. So here's to mental stimulation. Something that's been lacking in my life. May you have plenty in yours. m

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Everyone has gone to bed and, as luck would have it, the computer happens to be in the study as is the guest bed at my daughter's. It has been a busy couple of days getting ready for Christmas with picking up last minute items, wrapping and more wrapping, delivering a present to her principal (she is a teacher), and I spent an afternoon making fudge with my grandson and his friend. It's all been at a moderate pace, though with plenty of time to laugh and joke and visit, watch a movie or two and generally have a good time. I've talked with my son and wished him a Merry Chistmas and tried to reach the other daughter. My brother seems to be keeping busy in the workshop and enjoying his time alone.

Tonight we tried to go to 5:00 Mass and the church was crowded and people were "saving seats" so that although you were there, and there seemed to be plenty of available seating...people were telling you"this is saved for my mother...uncle,...etc. My daughter got so annoyed We went outside the chuch and she said I'm nnot feeling at all good and charitable about church right now...and more and more people were coming all the time. It was standing room only. We decided to meet their friends for fish and chips at 6:00 and come back for the 10:00 mass. I am so glad we did. The Church was full but there were seats for us and the service was beautiful. Turned out that the priest we had wanted to hear say Mass, actually was at the 10:00. We all came out of there feeling inspired to be better people and reminded of the meaning of Christmas. It was nice for me to be able to share that with my family. I don't always attend church regularly as I don't drive and transportation is a problem. At any rate, for all of you, I hope your Christmas is one of joy, happiness, peace and love. m

Do you see what I see? as the song goes...yes, people everywhere, I see that getting caught up in the holiday spirit and the haste and hapless attehtion to detail which always follows when I am hurried, I am having to be more and more focussed on what I am doing just in order not to appear a half=wit. I'm sorry, but failure to take care of getting these shopping detaiils handled sooner on your part, does not constitute an emergency on mine! I have such an attitude. Really, I am resenting this bipolar condition once again because this is one of the occasions when it rises sto the fore and waves its hand to gain everyone's attention...Look everyone, Michel is forgetting things because she is under pressure. I'm apt to burn the dinner; forget to feed the dog; forget my pills; stay up way too late sitting at the computer because I'm oblivious to time. I'm just in a general state of instability...and spending money..oh yes I've done a little too much of that. Thank God there are no available men around here or I might get myself in real trouble. ha ha. I'm just about completely ready for Christmas. Looks like my brother isn't going to San Diego with me so it will be just me at my daughter's family for Christmas. Hate to leave my brother alone. We'll have Christmas together on Wednesday night before I leave on Thursday. Tomorrow is my appt with Dr. Burden my therapist...haven't seen her for three weeks and I've been missing that. Then the last minute shopping for Christmas stockings; pick up prescriptions froom my pdoc and get them in the mail. finish packing and I'm off to California. Maybe I'll calm ddown after tomorrow's errands are over. But we all know that a little instability is just par for the course...hoping it stays at that.

HELP I'M NO HTML GENIUS

I'M TRYING TO INSERT THE HTML CODE IN FOR THE BIPOLAR PLANET WEBRING. I'VE PUT IT IN THE TEMPLATE IN SEVERAL DIFFERENT PLACES (NOT ALL AT THE SAME TIME - I'M NOT THAT HOPELESS) BUT THE LOGO ISN'T SHOWING UP. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

A FAMILY IN DISTRESS - REACHING OUT

I had a wonderful experience today...I hadn't expected it...in fact, I was kind of dreading the 9:00 appointment at the house with a nurse coming to take some information and blood samples for a life insurance policy. Whether or not they will find me fit is the subject for another blog...but as Janet arrived, large bag in tow, she gave me the most genuine smile. She lit up clear to the creases around her almond-shaped brown eyes. I warmed to her immediately and recognized that feeling that you have known someone since you were in your 20's. I offered her coffee and she took it like I do "I'll have some coffee in my coffee". We set to work filling in information on a form until we reached the question on mental illness, bipolar, and alcohol and were discussing how to answer when she revealed she understood...she had a daughter, age 30, Bipolar I, schizophrenic...currently in jail for accosting her with a heavy object; this not being the first time, she had had to put her in jail to protect herself and her son - the son of her daughter whom she has adopted.
She went on to tell how in jail they really don't insist they take their meds so the daughter is completely out of control and how until she is out of jail, there is nothing she can do to help her. This was a woman in pain. A registered nurse who has tried working through the public mental health system all to no avail. She has spent the past 11 years trying to get treatment for a mentally ill daughter. And nothing will get better because the daughter is in denial. She won't try.

It occurred to me that somewhere in this great land there must be someone, some group, some way to get social security for this daughter so that she has a means to live. So that she can afford a private doctor...A means to get Medicaid to cover the remainder.

Janet and I continued visiting through the appointment which we managed to make last three hours! We visited about many things. When she left, we had exchanged phone numbers and each made a new friend. We laughed at many of the same funny things and had similar roles in the family...I had at one time, what she has now. We both are musicians...But I promised her something else. I told her that I was going to do some research to find out if there wasn't someone who could help with her problem with her daughter. By mid afternoon, I had found a support group to help her; and found a group which deals with getting benefits for people with disabilities.. I have also offered to help with filling out the forms for Social Security for her.

One of the problems encountered is this...if the forms were all filled out and ready to sign...how to get them to her to sign in jail. Anyone have any ideas on that one.

TIS THE BUZZIN

Yes, there is a buzzing in the back of my brain...like an ongoin conversation which I am forced to tune out as I go about my very hectic pace. I'm trying to get all the decorations up and my brother hadn't until Thursday let me know if we were going to San Diego for Christmas and when and for how long. and I wasn't sleeping up until two nights ago. My creative juices are not just flowing but gushing and, of course, it's a real high. I'm multitasking like never before zipping from one project to another...There are paints, wall papwe books, porcelain pieces, photos, scrapbooking equipment, baskets and Christmas decorations spread out in four different rooms. The house looks like the state of my mind. Periodically, I stop and clear the clutter, put everything into some semblance or order and then proceed on lest my brother should sense a little mania here. So far, he has been so busy chasing his own ideas, he hasn't noticed, Thank God. I completed a set of three handpainted porcelain cherub angels playing musical instruments. They took me a day, but they are lovely...such small features - They were only two inches tall. The porcelain old fashioned Santa for my youngest daughter is complete. He was finished in both chalk and paint. On his back, I made a cloth bag which is "full" and coming out the top are miniature toys: a baseball bat, a 3-piece wooden train, a fuzzy teddy bear, a leather baseball mitt. (These can be found in the hobby stores for dollhouse supplies.) He is about 16 inches high with a red hooded suit and knee-high brown boots. I also made some
"This is not a christmas present" wrapping paper to wrap a scrap book I made for friends who are having a house built. They have been adamant that we not exchange gifts this year; however, I made this scrapbook for them to remember the building of their house and later, fun times in their new home. It starts with a picture (wallpaper) of a country house; a story of buying and building the country house; a picture of a framed house and pages for pictures while it is being constructed; pictures I took of the initial day of construction; a page labeled Texas Memories on a sheet of wallpaper of blue with Texas stars and an end page showing (wallpaper) a house in the country with some sheep and a sign "The End". We took it to them this afternoon and she really liked it. Also gave her a little 4x6 "Fat book" to write down things to be done re the house construction, picking out things, etc. and to be funny, attached a little 3 foot tape measure and a little level...both miniatures She got a kick out of that. I've been having a ball. I've been making some presents and buying others with an eye toward keeping money under control. I'm feeling really good. And I'm sleeping.

I have a confession to make. I decided to see what would happen if I just quit taking my antidepressant. Since I started the Abilify, the depression went away. So, I don't want to stop the Abilify. But since the Abilify and the depression going away, sleep has eluded me. So I stopped the Wellbutrin...I feel good and I am sleeping through the night.

I'll have to tell my pdoc eventually, but for now...I'm just going to let it go unless it starts not working. I think the buzzing will stop if I would slow myself down. This past week was the decorate the tree and house week. Now that is over and the plans have been made for where we are going to be for Christmas...I think things will calm down.

HOLIDAY MADNESS - I SWORE I WOULDN'T

I can remember when people started putting up their outside decorations for Christmas two weeks before...and eventually it became the day after Thanksgiving. This year, the lights were going up two weeks BEFORE THANKSGIVING! What's ths rush? And in keeping with this insanity, there is the Black Friday shopping day in which I refuse to participate. Standing outside the door of a store with 1500 other individuals all waiting for the store to open so they can battle it out for sale items is not a sport in which I will compete. I have always had a dread of confined spaces, shortages of oxygen, sweaty bodies, and crowded conditions. I have no tolerance for people who are inconsiderate, thoughtless and rude. Now, just tell me this isn't a prime location for such behavior.

So having recited the above, I thought, silly me, that on the 4th of December, a Monday morning, it should be relatively uncrowded in Hobby Lobby. I would venture in there and pick up some miniature ornaments for a Christmas project, and three packages of garland for the 9 foot tree my brother brought home on Sunday. Well, what a surprise! When Karen my cab driver arrived at Hobby Lobby the entire parking lot was packed. I think every woman from my end of town was in that store! Doesn't anyone work anymore? I did find what I needed; however, the picking was slim. I think everyone must have a Christmas tree up and decorated by now. I am amazed...I swore I wouldn't get into that kind of crowd. Next year I shop in November -- the 10th!

In closing, I heard this morning on the news that the reporter was shocked to learn that they are painting the Christmas trees in the lots because they are dead and look unappealing. Now isn't that a great idea? What kind of fire hazard might that be? And...let's just buy those trees a little earlier yet!

Thought: If bipolar people are a little unstable, are these folks sane?

THE LEGAL WORLD

Ever have the past raise its ugly head and remind you that you are bipolar? Well, I did in the form of a legal action for a bill that dates back to 2002..an account I don't remember and have no record of
in my files. I've been sent a copy of a statement showing it was sent to me at this address - which I did not reside at until a year later!

That's the bad news.....the facts are that I'm like many of us - disabled, on social security. Plus I don't even drive or own a car; don't own a house, stock, etc. I have my personal belongings and a dog. If this company were to go through with their legal action and get a judgment, my personal belongings are within the exempt property limit. but what about the dog?

Well, considering all of that I looked at what the principal on the acct was back in 2002 -- about $600. Meanwhile, they are suing for $1,327.00 plus costs and more interest. So I denied the account was mine but offered to settle their claim with a one time offer of $600 "because the stress of the matter was affecting my health"
They wanted more.

Here's the twist. I was a paralegal for a long time...I'm not competent in that type of law, but I'm competent enough to file an Answer and some formal discovery, i.e., I am going to file a Request for Production of Documents and ask for all the records. That is going to cost them attorney/paralegal time. After I see all their records I will be able to see if the account was too old for them to file suit; if the account wasn't mine; if there was a dispute about the charges on the account; etc. I don't know what will happen but I intend to have a little fun doing what I enjoyed doing for a living for so many years. At least I'm going to make them do some work. Turns out there's an article on the internet about this partiicular firm of collection lawyers They are known to be particularly sleazy and there is an effort being made to stop them! Interesting.

Don't worry...I'm not going to let them have the dog.