Thurs 629

I'm going at the same rate of speed. Up, breakfast, feed dogs, clean kitchen, try to get my mind working by doing a few games of computer solitaire. Didn't work, I fell asleep. Jarred awake by a call from my daughter wanting to know if my brother is in the states,,,some catastrophe involving loans that are closing today but not funding til Monday and a lack of money needed today and commentary on how things should work how they are supposed to. She is livid. She needs a break. I venture a statement things usually get fouled up which isn't what she wants to hear., she says. I give her my brother's cell number guess she is going to ask him for helpd...At the end she asks if my meds are working:

"No, not totally, only for the rapid cycling...not for the sleeping. I haven't been sleeping. The doc
called in something yesterday for sleep but the pharmacy didn't have it until today so I didn't sleep last night. He had samples for me but I couldn't get a hold of anyone to pick them up."

"Well why didn't you call me. What happens if you don't get the pills?"

"There was only 20 minutes left in the day to get them. You wouldn't have had time to get here. If I don't get the pills, I don't get some sleep, it will make the rapid cycling worse." Don't worry, I'm used to running into the problem of not being able to get where I need to be or have the bipolar kickup and do something weird....

Long pause.. 'Well, okay mom, I guess I'll call you back after awhile. I hope things get better for you soon.

It's funny how accepting I have become of the fact that things will go wrong -- that some things I have no control over -- that I don't have any more right to expect that things should go right than the guy next to me....We are all in this together...It's just a dice roll. Some days you win...some days you lose. I'm not saying you shouldn't take whatever measures to put things in line for the good outcome...by all means do....but lady luck is out there...yes sirree.. Miki