Jan 10 - THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM???

Things have been going incredibly well. I keep waiting for voices or that retrocharge of energy that sends me rocketing through the house at jet propulsion speed. But I've stayed stable and productive since I returned from San Diego starting with a major overhaul of organizing the storage of all the Christmas crap,,,er, I mean decorations. There is a collection of mine, my brothers and our mothers and that's after I've pitched what we don't want! Finished that project in a couple of days and its all gone off to storage several weeks ago. Then last Thursday the cleaning lady called and wondered if she had said she wasn't coming that day...Told her no, but that if she was comfortable at home as her other lady had cancelled, we could handle it and to have the week off. So that made me the Merry Maids designee and, mind you, my brother had been here by himself with no one picking up after him for a week! He hates clutter...Guess who is the number one generator of clutter? Yep. You catch on quickly. So it's been a new experience for me though. In the past, cleaning went like this: Start in one room, go to get the glass cleaner, stop in another room and start cleaning the glass in there and continue cleaning in there, notice I needed the polish in there. remember I had started in the first room, take the glass cleaner and polish to the first rooom and work in there for awhile. By now, I have two rooms torn up...step into a third room and "just to get that little bit of glass" start picking up and moving things around, room number three is now a disaster...and so forth and so forth until the entire house is in a state of complete upheaval.. The philosophy: You have to tear it up and put it back together. This time, I was able to focus on the living room, dining room and breakfast room on one day; the bathrooms, greatroom floors and vacuuming and mopping all floorss the second day. Tomorrow I will finish by cleaning out the guest bedroom which has caught hell and every paper, bill, art project, litigation case file I'm working on, computer records and it's all filed in neat stacks on the double bed. Quite unsightly. Tomorrow that has to go.

But back to the main thing, through all this confusion...and having my brother home for two weeks (which I am used to having my days along to myself), I'm doing fine. Sleeping okay. Motivated during the day. Not panicking during the day... Just perfedt pretty muchl Hows it going out there?
I am by nature a very organized person who likes a place for everythng and everyting in its place. Life is just easier that way. I'm not obsessive compulsive -- I'm practical. When my ADD is under control and I am focussed, things say in order...when its not..Lord I need a keeper.!!!

went to my therapist and Dr Burden seems to think we can cut back on my therapy. I am afraid...she is my safety net...she sees me when I am starting to fall...I don't always see it....but I will try every other week and see how it goessssss... It's like Linus giving up his blanket. But she truly has given me the skills to cope with my challenges of living with this disorder..and I have her cell phone and emaiil and can call her any time and can come in for an appointment any time needed. So why do I feel so scared. I've also been the "i think I can...I know I can' kind of gal. Does this beat us down so much that we begin to believe we can do nothing about it? oNLY IF WE LET IT. I REFUSE TO DO SO::


I STAND OUTSIDE FEELING ALIVE & HOPEFUL.
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG LONG TIME
MY MIND IS CRYSTAL CLEAR LEADING TO A PLAN
TO GO FORWARD POSITIVELY, CREATIVELY AND
DO MY NATURAL THING; EVER MINDFUL AND CAUTIOUS
TO WATCH FOR SIGNS OF A RAPID CYCLING ATTACK.
GOD FORBID SUCH A MISFORTUNE AFTER THIS LONG---
I WOULD RUN -- NOT WALK -- TO MY DOCTOR
FOR A HASTY MED ADJUSTMENT!