BIPOLAR AND PARENTING

A satisfying day - I talked with three of my children. That is one of life's pleasures for me. Knowing that, despite everything that could have gone wrong being raised by an undiagnosed bipolar mother, knowing all that they have gone through with me since 1993 when the disorder exploded into full scale hypomania, suicide attempts, and irrational behavior requiring repeated hospitalizations, I have children who are close, love me and treat me with respect.

No parent is perfect...and parenting is not easy. Children, unlike any other thing we set out to have, DO NOT COME WITH AN INSTRUCTION BOOK. We learn as we go. It's trial and error. I think all you can expect is to be the best parent you can and work hard at it.

My children spent the majority of their time in my 23 year marriage. There were my daughter and son from a previous marriage from ages 5 and 2, my stepdaughter and stepson from his previous marriage for whom we had custody from ages 2 and 3. and our daughter born a year later. After the first year, I worked full time for a major oil and gas corporation in the legal department, ran my 6 bedroom home, took the children to music, dance, etc lessons, was a Campfire Girls leader for my daughter and stepdaughter's troops, canned every Fall, sewed, did ceramics, played the piano. Every night we sat around the table for homework, sometimes the older children helping the younger. I worked with my stepson who was dyslexic. When our youngest was 12 I went back to college at night carrying 9 hours per semester. The children had rules and had to clean their own rooms, help with dinner dishes and were limited to two hours of TV per day. They were not allowed to talk back like kids do today...it wouldn't have occurred to them to do it. They were taught respect for other people and for adults and authority and rules. I never laid a hand on them. I don't believe in violence of any kind. Punishment if needed was taking away a privilege. The worst thing they were subjected to was my manic rate of speed and constantly doing something. I didn't probably tolerate dawdling around. Back then my disorder only showed itself with hypomania..there were mood swings from fast to faster...that's all. I rarely was depressed and if I was it was a situational reason which never lasted for more than a week or so.

That's the way I like to remember it. But there's the part also about not making good decisions and living with an alcoholic husband who occasionally decided to be unfaithful. And the unpleasantness that followed And I didn't leave because I would lose two children that were not mine. But it left my other three in a miserable situation. Quite a Catch-22! That is what I mean by not making good decisions. I can't undo what is done. It did some damage to all five children. But I will always wonder what the right answer as a parent was.