STRAINS ON STABILLITY JUNE & JULY 2006

Since the beginning of June my stability has been extremely challenged for reasons other than the normal cycling of bipolar rhythms. My stepdaughter, who has not kept a close relationship with the family, contacted me first in May with some health problems related to cervical and then uterine and ovarian cancer. She made it through all those things and we all relaxed and I thanked God for watching over her once again as He has in the past. She has not always made the best decisions and the first years of independence (19-34) were pretty iffy. The call came in the first of June about an aneurysm in the brain; the Mayo Clinic was involved; the testing went on for a couple of weeks of worry - could it be surgically corrected - to the final very sad prognosis. That also dredged up a lot of memories from my marriage to their father -- issues I haven't dealt with - things I found out about how he treated the kids when I wasn't around - and I've "stuffed" all that for some other convenient time for E>B. and I to deal with when I have a strong stomach, semi-stability and nothing else going on. I have started several blogs during the past few months, forgotten my password or user name and then started another just because I needed to vent. Common sense would dictate I should have put it on the word processor. As I stumble on these I will occasionally copy one onto this permanent blog.which I have ensured I cannot lose.... My former blog I disabled by eliminating my email address. It is Micello's Musings. I'm trying to find an easy way for this to be found but no such luck so far. But you can see as I digress, the state of my mind. The point of the blog was to
convey why my moods have been so far off. First seven or eight weeks of rapid cycling which we finally got under control with Clonazepam but it then went on into full blown mania.
My pdoc was out of the country. Right at the point that it was looking pretty bleak, I remembered that the last time it was this bad he put me on Abilify. Fortunately, I had some and started taking it. The mania is almost completely gone. I am really very proud to say that I was able to make use of my mood chart to great advantage and I have gone out and bought some things which I plan to start using to see if I can control my behavior a little better. Scheduling, money management, etc.... I am talking to my daughter every 10 days or so. Put together some pictures of her children when they were young...the two who grew up in my home for a period of time...I am making her a scrapbook like I did for the other kids last year. Hers will differ a little in thta it will contain pictures of what has gone on in the family during the time that she has been "away". Time for me to go to bed...... Maybe this explains the amount of anxiety that accompanied the unusual rapid cycling phase and the resultant behavior that transpired.......