SATURDAY

Spent the AM at Sherwin Williams (Paint Co) selecting the wallpaper and paint for my bedroom which I am having done next month. I had moved out of the bedroom that was "mine" into the one that was "mom's" about six months ago - Required little moving of furniture as I have my things in both rooms. After all, you're not married for over 30 years and raise five children and able to contain everything in one room! The other room is now a guest bedroom but full of my things as far as bookcases, dresser tops, pictures, etc. But you would have to see the wallpaper in this room to appreciate why I am redoing it...on one short wall, wallpaper with calla lillies...a flower which I have never liked. All of this in a pinkish lavender. I've an offwhite spread on the bed right now. There's not much else to do.

I picked some "faux paper which has a basically beige background with a number of other shades in it. Just to add color but no pattern - texture. It's going on the long wall... The other walls will be painted a light ecru color that matches the paper. There's an art deco type border for the top of the walls around the room. Then I;m bringing in my Mick Reber prints; my mask collection; my sculptures; moving the antique oak secretary back in my room for an eclectic room that reflects the person who lives here. Then I'll decide what is going to be bought for the bed. I'm leaning toward a gold lame or bronze satin comforter and shams.

Well at least that kept me off the chandelier today and out of trouble.. After that Ruth and I went to late lunch and I worked on the cash book whichh is going to keep me aware of where my money goes. Finally sat down here for a bit. I'm battliing the mania and the psychotic nuances that accompany it. It seems to be staying in the background. I''m worried for a friend out there. Here's pulling for you too.

My thought of the day: we are so blessed with this disease to have been born very attractive, sexy, intelligent, capable, a recipe for success in every way. We even have a special gift: an enhanced level of sensitivity. We feel things much more intensely than other people...goes hand and hand with creativity. But you know it's no good...it's fucked up...it isn't going to work right
and you're at the mercy of some pdoc and modern pharmacopia to fix it.....

Wonder what the odds are today? factor in the stress... your general health...etc etc etc.
Maybe it's time for mourning that persoon we lost cuz she doesn't seem to be coming back.
and this roller coaster ride doesn't seem to ever end.